NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS...?

So, it's 2012. And I haven't even started my resolutions yet! What a terrible excuse for a human being I am! Well, you know what they say.

You thought I was going to just leave you hanging, didn't you? That's where you're wrong. I, indeed, am terrible. But not that terrible. Jeez. But I digress. What "they" say is, of course, "out of sight, out of mind". You thought it would be more profound than that? Some sort of Chinese proverb, a memorable quote from the Buddha himself, or at least a small nugget of wisdom? Well, I am sorry to disappoint you, nonexistent reader. (Ha, get it? Because no one reads this!) That's right. 'Twas merely a pitiful excuse to ease my failing conscience.

More digressions! Gah! Like I said - terrible human being. (Oh my bad - terrible excuse for a human being). Anyways. Like I said. I have no resolutions. The only New Year's resolution that I have is to not make any New Year's resolutions. Damn, foiled again. Rephrasing...okay. My sole New Year's resolution is to not make any resolutions.

But I digress, nonexistent reader. (Hm...maybe I should address this nonexistent reader as "nation", just as Steven Colbert does on the Colbert Report). *Warning: a digression WILL follow. Continue at your own risk, nonexistent reader. DAMN! Foiled again! I meant...continue at your own risk, nation.* LET IT BE KNOWN: It shall come to pass that resolution #2 shall be that I shall refer to the nonexistent reader as "nation". So let it be written, so let it be done. (Ahahah, I am having way too much fun with this.)

Well, nation, it is time for me to continue on to bigger and better things. Por ejemplo...finishing my final essay for my Reed College application. I'm half way done! I love prompts that are obscure as hell. BUT! (If you buy 8 completos, it's only $8! Just kidding, nation. Kind of.) Anyways. But! What I love EVEN MORE than prompts that are obsc...(well, you get the idea), are prompts that have NO WORD LIMIT! I could just say in my essay "Reed rocks" and call it good. I could write them a 500 page novel and it would still be acceptable! DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM HERE, NATION?! I don't even know what to do with all these letters on the keyboard when it comes to writing that essay! It's almost like they want me to make words with them, nation! And then sentences! AND THEN even paragraphs! It's almost like they want me to write an essay or something! That is just too much to ask, nation; just too much to ask.

Well...I guess I'll go finish that essay now. (Or iS iT An EssAY?!)...yeah it is. Yeah, it is. OKAY. Time to stop wasting time. Good day, nation. I said good day!